I'm back!Also, I've been entertaining thoughts of turning Rin's Adventures into a printed novel and I just wanted to know if you think anyone would buy it. Look forward to your votes.
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Rin's Adventures: Chapter 21Rin’s Adventures: Chapter 21Rin's Adventures: Chapter 21
Rin watched Frost Pak slowly become visible as she left the swamp. Clouds hid the peak and strong winds blew down, carrying a flurry of snow. “Looks like bad weather,” she said to Kiki, who was riding on her shoulder.
“Yea, good thing I’ve got a nice, warm place to stay,” the fairy smiled as she dove inside Rin’s cadet uniform.
“Hey get out of there; that tickles!” Rin laughed as Kiki moved around under her cloths.
“No, it’s nice in here,” came the slightly muffled voice of Kiki. “Besides, it
by ~randomdude678
Rin's Adventures Chapter 20Rin’s Adventures: Chapter 20Rin's Adventures Chapter 20
Rin raced down the slope of Frost Peak as quickly as she dared. She remembered her last encounter with the creatures of this mountain and kept her senses at their highest edge. As the forest got closer and closer Rin felt the pain in her heard get worse. Despite what Teryn had said to her, Rin couldn’t get the image of Drayla shriveled and dead out of her head. “I can’t be too late, I just can’t,” she said to herself as the slope began to level out and the snow turned to bare stone and then the soft dirt of the forest floor.
Retracing her steps from her last
by ~randomdude678
Rin's Adventures: Part 19Rin’s Adventures: Part 19Rin's Adventures: Part 19
Rin woke up just as the morning sunlight was beginning to illuminate the settlement. Giving a stretch and a yawn, she touched up the side of her ice bikini that always started to melt while she slept. Slipping her training uniform over her head, she made her way out into the settlement. A few people were awake and working in the crop fields, and Rin waved at them as she passed.
After a few minutes the medical center came into view and Rin saw several people filing inside. “Good morning,” she called softly, not wanting to wake anyone nearby.
“Ah, the naga,&#
by ~randomdude678
Rin's Adventures: Part 18Rin’s Adventures: Part 18Rin's Adventures: Part 18
Rin woke slowly from a dreamless sleep, rolling over and off her cushion. The cold stone floor snapped her awake and she rose to a standing position. Light was streaming in from the entrance to her cave. Yawning widely Rin checked to make sure her ice bikini was still solid and touched up one side that had begun to melt. “I’ll need to keep an eye in it here in the warm base,” she said to herself. Then she remembered why she was here. She had to check and see if the doctors had made any progress helping Draytha when she met Falcon.
Rin quickly made her way outside, blinki
by ~randomdude678
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Sister's Little PrincessI had always been curious about my sister's bedroom. Whenever herSister's Little Princess
friends came over, they would rush up the stairs and slam the door
behind them, engaging in secretive girl business. Whenever I tried to
join in, she would defiantly throw me against the wall and declare the
place 'off limits' to people such as myself. What kind of person was I?
I was a boy.
Banished from these lands, I would never get to experience such
amazing things as make-up, gossip, and whatever girls do that makes
them so damn loud and annoying. Day after day, I'd see my sister leave
her room, the
by ~Shy-Princess
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- Interests: Writing, anime
- Favourite movie: Pirates of the Carribean 2
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Maybe I forgot to warn you at the times when I planned the featurings, I apologize.
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Well, I'll just wait it out then.
You ask if anyone would be possibly interested in the adventures of Rin as a novel.
I don't like vore in the slightest (though I admired Karbo's art quality).
That said, I've read through all the chapters you've posted for the last hour (except for 16, which isn't an active link) and I think this is a very engrossing story. I look forward to the next chapter, and if I saw this in a bookstore I'd pick it up.
I'm not sure what you'd consider your target audience...but speaking for myself I'd love to see you flesh our more of this colony base (and their homeworld). I'd also be interested in her relationship with Falcon....as well as if you ever went back and expanded her time with him before she goes out into the swamp.
The only thing that made me uncomfortable was the quasi-romantic atmosphere around Rina and Caidance - because of their ages. When you shop this to a publisher (and I hope you do) you'll probably be asked to re-word those segments a bit.
Sorry to be so wordy, but I figured I'd post from your main page instead of on each chapter. I mainly lurk but after reading all that you've wrote you deserved a response.
For general criticism - your prose flows smoothly, dialog comes off as natural and not forced, and you do great with cliffhangers (maybe a little too great, I would've liked to have gone to sleep an hour ago). The time scale for the story so far seems a bit rushed (things go by very quickly, situations resolve quickly) but I'm sure that has more to do with the serial format than anything else - another reason why I'd look for this on a bookshelf - to see a 'directors cut'
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"At times like this, where would be the good in panicking?" Alex
"With every kill I gain wisdom, And with added wisdom I gain power." Artemis Entreri
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your story along with another felarya writer zoekin got me started making my own.
not that i want you to look at it continue on rins story its much better then mine'l ever be
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It is time to take back what is mine!
I will not live my life as your second!
Every breath you take is an assault to my honour!
You will be cut down inch by inch!
The way you have cut down my pride!
-Vegeta-
Dridder lover
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